Diagnosis: Afterparty

Today I got the sigmoidoscopy done. And within minutes of waking up, I was presented pictures of my colon. I am fascinated by all the science and facts of this cancer, so I was mezmerized by the actual photos of this. From the way it looks, it immediately reminded me of the Ninja Turtles villian Krang. And Krang, from what I read on the papers I was handed, is 10cm long. And from the photos, Krang touches nearly every inside wall of my colon. As gross as this all is, I feel validated. These pictures look like exactly what I’ve been feeling. Krang has not let much slide past him in the past couple of weeks, and now that I have an actual photo of him, it all makes sense. If I was paying Krang to be a bouncer at a club, I’d fire him because he’s not letting ANYONE in and the club is literally empty.

On Monday, I talk to a surgical oncologist to specifically discuss removing not only Krang, but the section of colon he’s called home for what’s possibly been a few years now. I will most likely need to order a Ninja Turtle shirt to wear for that inevitable surgery (which, I’ll hopefully schedule during my visit on Monday & will likely be soon!) and if the doctor allows, I’ll definitely have myself a slice of pizza when I wake up. And then, I’ll have free flowing bowels, cowabunga! After that, I’ll meet with my actual oncologist to discuss the next plan of action against the spawns of Krang.

Speaking of bouncers at clubs, in my college partygirl heyday I used to collect all the wristbands from every club I went to. Whether they were photocopied at Kinko’s when I was underage, to put on in the bathroom after I got in (I’ll keep the name of my accomplice redacted for security purposes, but they know who they are.) Or just, for this vase/jar to simply be a collecting spot for these wristbands at the end of the night. Think of it like Pee Wee Herman’s aluminum foil ball; a collection of junk for the sake of collecting.

As you can see, we went out a lot.

I bring up the wristband collection only to mention how it’s been dormant for decades; I’m either not frequenting places that use wristbands anymore, or I’m simply DJing them and don’t require my own. But Jimmy, in a stroke of genius Saturday afternoon told me I should resurrect the collection, and start adding my hospital bracelets to it (I’ve already accumulated 4 in the last 6 days!) And honestly? Yeah, as much as going out was such a huge part of who I was, these new additions are going to be such a huge part of who I will be.